It's mainly because I've not had the same opportunities to 'lead' worship - I haven't actually sung in a worship band in church since before the summer just with the way some changes in staff and the team have happened.
It's been pretty unsettling, and definitely causing me to ask some questions: is this God's way of closing a door saying that a season of sung worship is over for me? Does God want me serving in a different church? Is this a test to see how I take worshipping without being 'up front'?
I have no idea what the answer is.
On the other side, I've been going back into prayer ministry. I've stayed out of prayer ministry for the most part for many years, I've done more of it at big events like Imagine & Soul Survivor or weekend retreats as opposed to a Sunday service. Over the last year in particular I've had some pretty yucky experiences of being prayed for, so I'm anxious to not inflict a yucky experience on someone I'm praying for!
In the last 2 years - in South Africa and in several conferences I've attended this year (in fact 2 in the last 7 days...) God has been speaking to me about leading worship. I have no idea currently what to do about it, if I want to, or if I even have that gifting. I did used to lead worship when I lived in Aberdeen, but one particular experience has resonated with me, and completely knocked my confidence. Certainly I'm not desperate to be opening that particular door again - I don't know if that is fear of failure or just good discernment!
So yep, for the first blog post in a long time, what I've written probably doesn't make sense, as all of this I'm muddling through my own head right now - trying to listen to what God is saying to me about worship & prayer ministry, not to mention a whole host of other things.
I don't know what to do! All thoughts appreciated.... :)
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